Of being overwhelmed and yelling

So now I'm back to yelling and not liking it! The bf says that it's good that I'm conscious of the vice, I say that being conscious is not enough as the damage is slowly creeping in. Peaches, as sweet as she is, is seriously taking the brunt of the damage the angelic demon a.k.a Berries is taking me through.

For instance, today, I gave Peaches 3 serious yells! The last yell made me go to the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror, and remind myself that it's totally NOT right!! I yell till my head hurts and only wine can cure it. That's the effect of being a STAHM with absolutely no help coming through. The first yell came through right after we got back home from school. I asked her to come and wash her hands before the evening snack, and she came dragging her chair, with a cushion and the fat Winnie Pooh on it. I yelled because I'm fed up of picking up after her. That was not even supposed to be a big deal since if I had asked her gently, (without yelling), she would have still taken them back. The second yell came during dinner, I had put Berries to sleep and came down to finish eating with her, as Paps was out of town, and there she was, still dilly-dallying with the food, trying to get out the garling eti coz she doesn't like it. The silly behaviour she picks up from other kids at the school canteen I felt terrible afterwards because I obliged her to eat up everything. I had to hurry back in the room because the baby was hysterical. So, I asked Peaches to finish up and head in her room and wait for me to come read her the usual bed-time stories. She instead headed straight to my room and woke up the baby anew, that, totally drove me into a frenzy!

I handle fatigue by going for a run, but now that I hurt the stupid knee, even walking is an issue. I think seeing the tummy bulging as if I was pregnant, and having none of my pants fit me is part of what drives me into a rage with every single petty - of what I consider - misdemeanor, on the part of Peaches, iven that I can't take it out on Berries.

I can't wait for January for Berries to start going to the creche, I'm headed there tomorrow first thing in the morning to ask when she can begin her orientation for full time care. I just can't handle it anymore! 

In the meantime, I have this noted somewhere at the back of my mind to control the yellings. Before, I could do Jumping Jacks everytime I felt the urge to yell. Now, I don't even know what to do. Counting from ten backwards doesn't even come close to help!

*sigh*